Our Time To Shine

Sweat slide down the side of my check as I hear the words come in girls. As we slide into the hall all eyes on us. The scorching sun spews into the room. Blazing straight into my eyes. The music starts and I feel puzzled. What happens  we get to the stage and the song is in the middle of its time?

It all started when mum was late. Time was passing. My hair can't make it self. Waiting out side I finally see her. I yank her out of the car and we dash into the bathroom. Sue ( Niamh's mum ) gives us our costumes. Our look is Si Fie type thing. We got half a mask and decorated it with sparkles.  Mean while mum is just doing the last bit of hair. We rush into the music room, then scurry out. My face redder then a ripe chili. Shaking like crazy I have enough courage to go out there. We get called, "all the way from the other side of the world, please welcome the dancers." We hadn't made up a name for the group yet. There were two sides.

Butterfly's ( nerve wreaking side ) or the fighters ( the confident no butterfly side. ) who's gonna win. Oh butterfly's are down fighters are up oh no fighters are down. Butterfly's win. The point of this fight is that I was super duper nervous.

We scurry on stage. Our jam plays. We haven't even gotten to our destination ( the stage.) I am so confused.  Jade jiggles her head to troy. Hesitating him. Trying to tell him to stop. Nothing. She jiggles her head again.  He stops the music. Then plays it again. I am flooded in sweat right now. Even though I am hotter then egypt we carried on with the dance, got every move correct and I was like a steam room. 







use a range of challenging verbs: Orange

• use the hot words: boiling, sizzling, searing etc.,: Green

select one or two similes: Green

select one or two metaphors or personification: Green

use onomatopoeia to show sounds: Orange

select words that start with the same sound (alliteration): Red

We had to use (See, Hear, Smell, Feel, Taste, Think, Do, Feel, Say) in parts of our story so for see you had to put so etching that you saw and you had to do that for all of the other words.

BUDDY COMMENT: I think you did well at your detail and your boiling hot words but I think you should improve on your main idea like your dance because your are not really putting that much into your story!!!
Buy Your BFF Jade


Comment: I think I was good at using a range of hot words. Mabey next time I could foucuss on using alliteration